Let’s face it; modern technology has revolutionised the way people meet and pair up. More and more people are joining Internet matchmaking sites, and although it’s not without its problems and sometimes disasters, online matchmaking has also resulted in lots of successful relationships. So I got to thinking (always a dangerous thing 
) about what it would be like if some of crime fiction’s popular sleuths created online dating profiles. It couldn’t hurt their chances of finding a partner, after all. All it takes is putting one’s best foot forward so to speak, and putting one’s characteristics in the most positive light possible. So here are a few ideas I have for….
Online Dating Profiles For Some Fictional Sleuths
I
Wolfe1
New York City
There’s no need to worry about all the stress of New York City traffic, getting event tickets, or when and where to meet if you and I date. I am content with a stay-at-home evening – in fact, I prefer them. When we are together I can promise a gourmet dinner and interesting conversation after dinner.
If we date, you’ll have the opportunity to meet all sorts of fascinating people, as in my line of work, I get visitors from every walk of life. But I’m not just interested in my profession. I’ve a very keen interest in horticulture and know as much about orchids as anyone. You will always have a ready supply of some of nature’s most beautiful flowers.
If you’re tired of being treated like “one of the guys,” then I’m just the date you want. I’m a traditionalist and believe in treating women like ladies. No need to worry about making all of the decisions in our relationship; I’m happy to take that burden. And you’ll always be able to plan ahead if we date, as I have comfortably regular habits.
Interested? Message me!
II
KinseySleuth
Santa Teresa, California
Tired of dating women who are obsessed with looks, clothes and makeup? Then I just might be the woman for you. I’m a straightforward, down-to-earth woman who’s more interested in my work than I am in staring into a mirror for hours. I’m used to working hard and I don’t scare easily, so you won’t find me the clingy type. When I’m not on the job I like to keep in shape, mostly by running.
There’s no need to worry about whether I’ll like the food if you choose the restaurant for our dates. I’m not at all picky about food and you don’t have to take me to the finest gourmet restaurant around to get me to like you. And I’m honestly looking for a guy who doesn’t need a perfect home-cooked meal to be impressed.
I’m smart, fun and I roll with life’s punches. So if you’re done with diva princesses, message me!
III
WallanderK
Ystad
If you are looking for a laugh-a-minute, frivolous type who won’t grow up and take life seriously, then you won’t want to date me. But if you are ready for a serious date who sees life for what it really is, then I may be the man for you. I take my job and my life seriously. I don’t gloss things over and I don’t expect miracles. But I do work hard and I’m not afraid to “buck the system” to do my job.
I’m not a health-worshipper either, so no need to worry about me spending hours and hours in the gym or insisting that you eat only organic food. If we date, you’ll find that I’m very relaxed about diet.
And you don’t have to worry about awkward or possibly relationship-sabotaging personal ties if we date. I’m no mama’s- or daddy’s-boy, and I don’t have a houseful of children to worry about either.
Ready for a real adult who thinks seriously and doesn’t expect perfection from you? Message me now!
IV
Rebecka
Kiruna
If you’re tired of dating women who insist on clinging to you and demanding every moment of your time, then I may be the woman you want. I’m a very independent person who is perfectly content to spend time on my own. I won’t drag you to endless parties or insist that you meet the many members of my extended family. I won’t badger you with incessant ‘phone calls or texts either.
I’m the outdoors type who is happy to take walks in the snow and watch the sun rise and set. I’m not much of a one for crowded cities, so you don’t need to worry about taking me to plays, films or expensive dinners. In fact, I’m looking for a guy who enjoys the beauty of rural places.
If you’re done with constant chatter and “clinging vines” and you love animals and nature then message me! I may message you back. Or not.
V
Salvù1
Vigatà
One thing you’ll always be able to depend on when you’re with me is a properly cooked gourmet meal. Whether you visit me or we go out to eat, I’m an expert on fine food and good wine, too. No greasy unsatisfying meals with me!
I’m not the kind of guy who constantly needs to be by your side either, so you don’t have to worry about being stalked. I appreciate and respect women who live an independent life and I don’t feel the need to be “joined at the hip.” Besides, my job keeps me busy enough so that I won’t be drumming my fingers ready to grill you about where you’ve been and what you’ve done. And I won’t pester you about setting a wedding date or having a family.
If you’re tired of meaningless drivel and fake compliments from the men you date then you’ll appreciate my directness. I tell it like it is and I don’t waste words, so you’ll always know where you stand with me. I don’t play games.
So if you’re ready for a man who knows fine food, won’t check up on you and will always let you know where you stand, then you’re ready for me. Message me now!
VI
SergeantBarbara
London
One thing you can count on if you date me is that I’ll speak my mind and I won’t leave you wondering where you stand with me. You’ll always know what I’m thinking. I may be blunt at times but I’ve got a good heart and I stick up for the underdog.
I’m not afraid to be my own person and I’m not impressed with wealth or titles. I’m not obsessed with fashion either. So if you’re looking for a woman who appreciates down-to-earth, open guys, you may have found your match. You won’t ever need to worry about which knife or fork to use if we go out to dinner; those things aren’t important to me.
I’m looking for a man who appreciates loyalty (but don’t worry; I’m not clingy!) and who doesn’t go for superficial “skin-deep-only” high-maintenance women. If you’re ready for an honest relationship with a loyal woman who always tells it like it is, then message me!
What do you think? How would crime fiction’s famous sleuths do in today’s online dating world? Got any additions you’d like to make?
Brilliant! Love it! Might have to think of one or two of my own now…
Rhian – Why, thanks
– I’m so glad you liked this. If you do think up some of your own I hope you’ll either add a comment here or post them on your own fab blog. I’d love to read ‘em.
Oh, I love them! I love the Havers and the Woolf one.
Clarissa – Awww…thanks
– I’m so glad you liked them and I had fun doing them.
Great fun Margot, thanks
José Ignacio – I’m very glad you enjoyed it!
What a delightful and original post, Margot. I’d definitely go for that Wolfe1 guy.
Pat – Why, thank you
– I’m so glad you enjoyed it. The only thing with that Wolfe1 guy is that my diet would go straight out the window… 
Monsieur_Poirot
If you are searching for a man of refinement, exquisite taste, beautiful manners and Belgian charm please look no more.
Only the best food will be served at our meals and conversation will sparkle with bon mots.
You can be assured that Poirot will always be impeccably attired and groomed to perfection.
Some decades have passed since I last dated but I am sure I can provide the right lovely lady with days and evenings to remember!
Intrigued? Bewitched? Beguiled? Message me.
As a master of communication I can exchange further information by phone or email or Facebook or whatever form you would prefer to communicate with me.
Bill – Oh, that is absolutely priceless! I can just see Poirot building exactly this profile. I was really hoping that you’d have a chance to read this post because you always add such brilliant suggestions to my posts. This one was no exception. Thanks so much for the wit and the laughter it gave me.
The creativity here is boundless! Love these blurbs.
Kathy – Thank you
– that’s very kind of you. I’m glad you enjoyed these.
Terrific idea and well executed, Ms. Kinberg! I enjoyed reading all of them, though, sadly, I haven’t read any of the authors you mentioned. I think, the sleuths will do more than find dates online, they will probably find a few online dating fraud cases to solve as well. Bill’s contribution is, indeed, “priceless.”
Prashant – Oh now that is a very intriguing idea for a plot! Online dating fraud! It’s certainly out there and there are several novels that have this as a theme. I’ll bet those sleuths could solve such cases. And yes, Bill’s contribution is excellent isn’t it?
What a great idea Margot. And I love the additional Poirot one too thanks Bill.
Sarah – Why, thank you
– That’s kind of you. And yes indeed, Bill’s contribution is fantastic.
I enjoyed this! Havers made me smile.
And I’d love to see a profile for Inspector Morse. He always had such a tragic love life!
Elizabeth – Oh, I’m so glad you liked this post – I enjoyed writing it. And you know, I ought to put one together for Morse. His face-to-face love life doesn’t work so well, so maybe an online profile would be a good idea.
Very funny! I was trying to think of an entry for John Rebus but I was defeated
Maxine – LOL – clever!! Thanks for the laugh
– and the kind words. I’m glad you enjoyed the post.