Maybe it’s Not Just You… ;-)

Have you ever read a crime fiction novel that really disappointed you? Oh, please tell me I’m not the only one who’s done that. If you have, you may be thinking, ‘Maybe it’s me,’ especially if the novel you’ve just waded through is getting a lot of ‘happy press’ elsewhere. After all, personal taste and perception play roles in whether we like a novel or not. But the fact is, there are plenty of disappointing books that for one reason or another get a lot of hype and rave reviews (let’s not discuss how that happens, shall we). So really, it may not be you. It may be simply a badly-written book that in some way got published.

If you’ve ever questioned your own judgement about books, I’m here to help. There are some books out there that really are of poor quality. It’s not always your imagination. ‘Fair enough,’ you may be thinking, ‘but how am I supposed to tell whether a book is really badly written or whether it’s just me?’ To help you sort this out, here are a few…

 

Signs That It’s Not Just You

 

• Within the first 20 pages, there are at least five murders described in excruciatingly gratuitous and gory detail.

• Within the first 10 pages you have already accurately predicted the rest of the plot, including all supposed ‘plot twists.’

• You recognise the dialogue from a Grade-Z movie you watched late one night when you couldn’t sleep. The movie’s dialogue was actually more authentic, come to think of it.

• You really can’t keep track of the characters because none of them has any personality.

• The ‘good guy’ has superhuman capabilities that allow him or her to solve every problem immediately.

• If you ever actually met the protagonist (whom you’re supposed to care about), you would probably have an overwhelming temptation to smack that person. Hard. In public.

• The ‘bad guy’ acts suspiciously like those cartoon ‘evil characters.’ Even if it’s a female antagonist you know there’s going to be a moustache-twirling scene.

• In order to get through the book you have so neglected your sense of disbelief that it is no longer speaking to you. In fact, you saw it packing its things to move out.

• It dawns on you that the novel isn’t intended to be ‘over the top camp.’ It’s intended to be taken seriously.

• You’ve noticed all of these things within 35 pages. There are still 700 pages to go.

 

Really. Sometimes it’s not just you.

 

Now, as a writer myself, I think it’s the crime fiction author’s responsibility not to subject readers to that kind of stress and trauma. That kind of responsible authorship starts at the keyboard, folks. We all need to do our share to ensure that readers get good stories. ‘That’s all fine,’ you may be thinking, ‘but how can I tell whether what I’m writing simply may not be to everyone’s taste, or is just plain bad?’  To help you make that important distinction, here are a few…

 

Signs That You Might Want to Rethink What You’re Writing
 

• You put yourself to sleep while you’re writing the dialogue.

• You notice that of the last 30 pages you’ve written, 25 of them are given to a detail-by-detail account of a truly gruesome murder scene.

• Your sleuth discovers exactly the hard-to-find and extremely specialised tool s/he needs to get out of that locked-and-barred basement. You have no idea how that tool got there.

• Your ‘bad guy’s’ motive for committing murder? To be nasty.

• Of the last 1000 words you’ve written, 345 were in the same sentence.

• Only the first three and last two chapters (of the 48 you’ve written) actually tell your story.

• One of your first readers says, ‘This was supposed to be a parody, right?’ It wasn’t.

• You keep calling your characters by one another’s names because they’re all so much alike.

• You can’t describe the plot in your query letter to the publisher because there isn’t one. Your story is just a series of action sequences.

• You don’t care in the least bit what happens to your protagonist. That kind of person couldn’t possibly exist in real life anyway.

 

Seriously. Some manuscripts should not see the light of day. I know that’s true of some of mine…

 

I hope I’ve helped you feel better about those disappointing reads you’ve had to endure. Sometimes a bad book is just a bad book.

A special thanks to those of you who’ve been candid about books that you found to be real disappointments. You know who you are. Your reviews are helpful and your willingness to ‘take one for the team’ is appreciated. Also your reviews inspired this post, so thanks for that too.

Where Did You Come From? ;-)

You may be getting ready for your summer holiday, or you may be planning  that winter getaway. Either way, it’s a good time for…

…a quiz! Oh, please! Did I force you to visit my blog today? I don’t think so.

 

Crime fiction is really quite international and crime fiction authors come from all over the world. As a dedicated crime fiction fan, you know where all of your favourite authors come from, don’t you? Or do you? Take this handy quiz and find out. Read each question and choose the correct answer. When you’ve finished the quiz, check your answers and then submit your quiz. I’ll send you an email right away with your score. Ready? Spin the globe…if you dare

 

Announcing a Brand New Product – Well…Sort of ;-)

An absolutely hilarious post at Annette Thomsson’s terrific writing blog has got me thinking about Windows. That’s right, Microsoft’s operating system, with which so many of us are familiar. Now, I’ll wait a moment while you go check out Annette’s wonderful post…

 

After reading that post I got to thinking how nice it would be if there were a lot of different editions of Windows for different purposes. So I propose the all-new Windows 7^®  Crime Writers Edition. As you’ll see, it’s got lots of features that we crime writers would find very useful.

 

Just take a look at the home screen. It’s perfectly set up for those of us who write mysteries (You can click on the ‘photo to make it larger if you like).
 

 

And this new edition comes with several valuable system alerts. For instance, there’s this one to keep us safe when we’re doing research.
 

And this one alerts the crime writer who – er – gets a bit distracted. There are similar warnings for Twitter, blog hopping and game playing too.
 

 

Now, a lot of crime writers have ‘day jobs,’ and even those who write full time sometimes get busy with other aspects of their lives. This warning is specially designed to remind the writer of that all-important manuscript.
 

 

So what do you think, folks? Does my edition have a chance of being a big seller? Oh, and I also can see variations on this theme for those who write historical novels, romance, YA or any other number of genre novels.

Fellow crime writers, do you have anything you’d like to see in this edition?

 

Thanks, Annette, for the inspiration!

 

Let Us Always Remember…

Today (or tomorrow, depending on when you read this) is Anzac Day. On this day we honour the proud members of the Anzac forces who gave their lives (still do) to keep so many of the rest of us safe. We owe them much more than any gushing praise I could write.

There are ways to thank them though that go beyond words. One way you can say ‘thanks’ is to find a veterans charity you feel comfortable with and support it. For example, there’s Legacy Club Australia and the Returned Services League of Australia. There is also New Zealand’s Returned Services Association, and a lot of veterans get help through Lifeline Aotearoa.  Feel free to check these organisations out and see if one of them appeals to you.

Don’t feel comfortable with those charities? That’s OK; you can find a veterans charity that works for you and donate your time, talent and/or money.

 

Let’s give back just a little of what Anzac has given to us. And just for today, let’s choose to be a force for good, just as Anzac is.

Whatever else we do, let us not forget.

 

Kia Ora, Anzac!

I’m Telling You Now*

I’m delighted and honoured that Susan Condon has been kind enough to give Confessions of a Mystery Novelist…  this lovely Reality Blog Award. It means a lot to me.

 

 

Now, before I go any further let me tell you a little about Susan. She’s an Irish poet and short story author who’s working on her first crime fiction novel, which I know is going to be terrific. You can sample her stories and poetry on her fine writing blog. Do pay her visit and show her some love. You won’t regret it.

 

As a part of this award I’ve been asked to respond to a few questions, so here goes:

 

1:  If you could change one thing in your life what would it be?

One of the things I would do differently is that I would have started writing – seriously writing – fiction earlier in my life than I did. I’ve found it so fulfilling that I often ask myself why I waited so long. Of course, just simply living life gives a person perspective and that helps immeasurably when one’s writing, but still…

 

2:  If you could repeat any age which would it be?

When I was at university I met a group of some of the finest people I have ever known. We became friends and they are a big part of the reason that my university years were so rich and so good. Decades later (never mind how many!) we are still good friends. Hey, I’m even married to one of ‘em. I am better for our friendships. So if I could go back, it’d be nice to have another taste of that time. I sometimes think that’s a bit of the reason I set my stories in the world of academia.

 

3:  What really scares you?

I’m a parent and even though my daughter is now an adult with a family of her own, that doesn’t change my feelings towards her. And as any loving and caring parent can tell you, there is no prospect more frightening than harm to one’s children – doesn’t matter how grown up they are. You get what I mean, don’t you, fellow parents? That thought quite frankly scares the – well, you know – out of me. So for me any novel with that plot point in it is especially suspenseful. In fact, I even self-censor when I know a novel takes that theme to a gratuitous length.

 

4:  If you could be someone else for a day, who would it be?

That’s an interesting question because there are a lot of people I consider fascinating or whom I admire for one or another reason. But if I had to pick??? Agatha Christie. She had a very interesting life and what’s more, she made the most of it. I respect that about her. She was a classy person too and I respect that as well. And honestly, if I could be Agatha Christie for a day and maybe – erm, ‘borrow’ – even a tiny bit of her writing talent, I’d be much, much the better for it.

 

Now at this point I’m supposed to pass the baton to other writers and ask them to answer these questions. But I don’t want to put pressure on anyone or make anyone feel obligated. So, here is what I propose instead. Find a writer whose work you don’t know. Give that work a try and if you like it let the author know. Comment on that author’s blog. ‘Talk up’ that author on your own blog and social network sites. Writers really appreciate your support. Seriously.

 

Thanks again, Susan, for this great award!

 

 
 

*NOTE: The title of this post is the title of a song by Freddie and the Dreamers.