One of the big developments in today’s technology is the advent of apps for all sorts of different things. From dating to exercise to reading to cooking and a lot more, there’s a relevant app for nearly everything. All of the apps out there have got me thinking about what it would be like if some well-known fictional sleuths got hold of some of them. What might they think?
If you’ll send your disbelief out for a sandwich (Restaurant Finder can help), let’s take a look at what happens….
When Fictional Sleuths Use Apps…
I Inspector Morse (Colin Dexter)
Morse is sitting in his office using his tablet computer.
Lewis walks quickly into Morse’s office. Lewis: Sir?
Morse: What is this? He points to a logo on his list of apps.
Lewis: Oh, that’s Twitter, sir. It allows you to communicate with people all over the world. It’s quite a handy little tool. You can even join interest groups.
Morse: But what does this mean? Points to one particular tweet that says ‘LOL! YOLO!’
Lewis (Bending over slightly and looking at the tweet): Well, sir, that means, ‘Laughing out loud. You only live once!’
Morse: But that’s not even in English!
II Nero Wolfe (Rex Stout)
Wolfe picks up his telephone and sees something new on it.
Wolfe: Archie, what have you done to my telephone?
Archie (Looking up from his desk): What do you mean?
Wolfe: Confound it, Archie, you can’t see it from over there!
Archie gets up and goes over to his boss’ desk. He follows Wolfe’s impatiently pointing forefinger.
Archie: That’s called S-Health.
Wolfe: I can see that. What is it?
Archie (Grinning maliciously): It’s a fitness app. Lets you track your steps, manage your diet, and even count how many calories you’ve eaten in one day. Pointed look at Wolfe’s girth.
Wolfe: Pfui! Remove it!
III Hercule Poirot (Agatha Christie)
Poirot is looking at himself in the mirror, making sure his moustache is perfect. He turns around when Hastings enters the room.
Poirot: Ah, Hastings. Are you ready to go? I hear that this play, it is excellent.
Hastings: I’ve heard the same thing. Oh, look here, Poirot, you’ve almost forgotten your ‘phone.
Poirot: Merci, Hastings. He takes the ‘phone and looks closely at the screen. But, what is this? It is not familiar to me.
Hastings steps over and looks at the app Poirot is indicating.
Hastings: That’s the McDonald’s app, Poirot. It shows you the nearest McDonald’s, lets you choose from the menu, and lets you download all sorts of offers. You’ll love it.
IV Kurt Wallander (Henning Mankell)
Wallander is having lunch with his daughter, Linda. He picks up his ‘phone to set it to ‘silent,’ and notices something.
Wallander: What is this, I wonder.
Linda: Let me see. She reaches for the ‘phone and Wallander hands it to her. Oh, that’s a new app I just downloaded for you. It’s called Tinder.
Wallander: What the hell is ‘Tinder?’
Linda: It’s a great way to meet new people. You see people’s online profiles and you can swipe right if you like the profile, and left if you don’t. Then you can meet people you like. I put your profile in there, too!
V Inspector John Rebus (Ian Rankin)
Rebus and Malcolm Fox are sitting in a conference room at the police station.
Fox: So, I think we both know what’s next for this case then?
Rebus: Aye, I think so. Picks up his ‘phone to put it in his pocket, and notices something on it.
Fox: Something wrong, John?
Rebus: Just wondering what this is. I’ve not seen it before. Passes the ‘phone to Fox, who looks at it.
Fox: I think you’ll like it, John. And I know you can use it. It’s called the ‘Living Sober’ app. Time you thought about giving up the stuff. Looks over at Rebus’ cup. That’s not tea in there, is it?
VI Sergeant Barbara Havers (Elizabeth George)
Havers is at an O2 store, looking at the ‘phones.
Shop Assistant: Something in particular you’re looking for?
Havers: Well, I like this one. Can you tell me about it?
Assistant: You’ll love it. Great reception – all the time. And it’s loaded with apps.
Assistant: Absolutely. It’s got Facebook, Twitter, and more. (Lowers her voice) It’s even got the Makeup Tutorials app. You know, just for us girls. Once you try that app, you’ll never want to be without it.
So what do you think? Would our top fictional sleuths enjoy the world of apps?
Just a reminder…..
Wanna get creative? You know you do! A week ago I posted a few 50-word mysteries – they’re called Dribbles – and invited you to try your hand at them. I’d love to read yours! You can send ‘em to me at margotkinberg(at)gmail(dot)com, and I’ll post them in about a week. C’mon! Sit with the cool kids!