There’s an App For That ;-)

AppsOne of the big developments in today’s technology is the advent of apps for all sorts of different things. From dating to exercise to reading to cooking and a lot more, there’s a relevant app for nearly everything. All of the apps out there have got me thinking about what it would be like if some well-known fictional sleuths got hold of some of them. What might they think?

If you’ll send your disbelief out for a sandwich (Restaurant Finder can help), let’s take a look at what happens….


When Fictional Sleuths Use Apps… 


I   Inspector Morse (Colin Dexter)

Morse is sitting in his office using his tablet computer.
Morse:  Lew-is!
Lewis walks quickly into Morse’s office. Lewis: Sir?
Morse: What is this? He points to a logo on his list of apps.
Lewis: Oh, that’s Twitter, sir. It allows you to communicate with people all over the world. It’s quite a handy little tool. You can even join interest groups.
Morse: But what does this mean? Points to one particular tweet that says ‘LOL! YOLO!’
Lewis (Bending over slightly and looking at the tweet): Well, sir, that means, ‘Laughing out loud. You only live once!’
Morse: But that’s not even in English!


II   Nero Wolfe (Rex Stout)

Wolfe picks up his telephone and sees something new on it.
Wolfe: Archie, what have you done to my telephone?
Archie (Looking up from his desk): What do you mean?
Wolfe: Confound it, Archie, you can’t see it from over there!
Archie gets up and goes over to his boss’ desk. He follows Wolfe’s impatiently pointing forefinger.
Archie: That’s called S-Health.
Wolfe: I can see that. What is it?
Archie (Grinning maliciously):  It’s a fitness app. Lets you track your steps, manage your diet, and even count how many calories you’ve eaten in one day. Pointed look at Wolfe’s girth.
Wolfe: Pfui! Remove it!


III    Hercule Poirot (Agatha Christie)

Poirot is looking at himself in the mirror, making sure his moustache is perfect. He turns around when Hastings enters the room.
Poirot: Ah, Hastings. Are you ready to go? I hear that this play, it is excellent.
Hastings: I’ve heard the same thing. Oh, look here, Poirot, you’ve almost forgotten your ‘phone.
Poirot: Merci, Hastings. He takes the ‘phone and looks closely at the screen. But, what is this? It is not familiar to me.
Hastings steps over and looks at the app Poirot is indicating.
Hastings: That’s the McDonald’s app, Poirot. It shows you the nearest McDonald’s, lets you choose from the menu, and lets you download all sorts of offers. You’ll love it.


IV    Kurt Wallander (Henning Mankell)

Wallander is having lunch with his daughter, Linda. He picks up his ‘phone to set it to ‘silent,’ and notices something.
Wallander: What is this, I wonder.
Linda: Let me see. She reaches for the ‘phone and Wallander hands it to her. Oh, that’s a new app I just downloaded for you. It’s called Tinder.
Wallander: What the hell is ‘Tinder?’
Linda: It’s a great way to meet new people. You see people’s online profiles and you can swipe right if you like the profile, and left if you don’t. Then you can meet people you like. I put your profile in there, too!


V     Inspector John Rebus (Ian Rankin)

Rebus and Malcolm Fox are sitting in a conference room at the police station.
Fox: So, I think we both know what’s next for this case then?
Rebus: Aye, I think so. Picks up his ‘phone to put it in his pocket, and notices something on it.
Fox: Something wrong, John?
Rebus: Just wondering what this is. I’ve not seen it before. Passes the ‘phone to Fox, who looks at it.
Fox: I think you’ll like it, John. And I know you can use it. It’s called the ‘Living Sober’ app. Time you thought about giving up the stuff. Looks over at Rebus’ cup. That’s not tea in there, is it?


VI    Sergeant Barbara Havers (Elizabeth George)

Havers is at an O2 store, looking at the ‘phones.
Shop Assistant: Something in particular you’re looking for?
Havers: Well, I like this one. Can you tell me about it?
Assistant: You’ll love it. Great reception – all the time. And it’s loaded with apps.
Havers: Yeah?
Assistant: Absolutely. It’s got Facebook, Twitter, and more. (Lowers her voice) It’s even got the Makeup Tutorials app. You know, just for us girls. Once you try that app, you’ll never want to be without it.


So what do you think? Would our top fictional sleuths enjoy the world of apps?


Just a reminder…..

Wanna get creative? You know you do! A week ago I posted a few 50-word mysteries – they’re called Dribbles – and invited you to try your hand at them. I’d love to read yours! You can send ‘em to me at margotkinberg(at)gmail(dot)com, and I’ll post them in about a week. C’mon! Sit with the cool kids!


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37 responses to “There’s an App For That ;-)

  1. Oh Margot this is priceless! Excellent. I missed your dribble post, not sure how but I’ll definitely check it out and give it a go 😀

  2. Adorable and informative! I had no idea what some of these apps did, either.

  3. Very funny, Margot 😀
    I think my own Jayne Keeney, who is living on the precipice of the digital revolution, would loath any app that lets Australians find each other overseas, but would rather like the Bangkok Bars and Thai Dictionary apps…

    • Oh, I think she’d love those apps too, Angela. I can see her enjoying some of the music apps out there, too. But no, those ‘Find a fellow Aussie’ apps? Nope. Thanks for the kind words 🙂

  4. mudpuddle

    detective inspector sloan: crosby! slow down!
    constable crosby: but sir! i can see the traffic ahead with this special app on my cell phone!

  5. Haha! Great fun, Margot! I would love to hear Poirot’s views on a Big Mac – or indeed on a Diet-Pepsi-make-that-large…

  6. Ah, Madam FictionFan and Madam Kinberg you had but to ask to hear my thoughts on the Big Mac and Diet Pepsi. As you know I have never been an elitist. I always enjoy my time amidst the petit peuple.

    I was quietly delighted when Hastings put the McDonald’s app on my phone. I have been going to McDonalds for decades though never with him. I fear the good captain would look down on the humble hamburger.

    I have tried all the McDonald’s hamburgers over the years and I tell you that the Big Mac is the best by far. The piquancy of the special sauce cannot be surpassed. I am careful to take extra napkins.

    I believe Madam FictionFan has not been in McDonald’s often or she would not refer to Diet Pepsi. It is Diet Coke that is available and I never supersize my drink. A regular Coke is the perfect accompaniment to the Big Mac, n’est-ce pas?

    Madam Kinberg, I am surprised you would expect me to comment on the hot apple pie. I am modest in my dining, one does not want the vest too snug, and the Big Mac Meal is a more than adequate repast. I have never had the hot apple pie. Perhaps you could pass on your experience with that dessert.

    We all have our secret pleasures.

    • Dear M. Poirot,

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts, both on McDonald’s and on the McDonald’s app. I agree completely that supersizing the offerings is a mistake. It doesn’t allow the proper digestion which should accompany any meal. And I can certainly understand why you always make sure you take plenty of extra napkins when you order your Big Mac Meal. No need for Georges to worry about removing stains from your suit.

      The nice thing about the McDonald’s app, so I understand, is that one can download special offers to one’s telephone. This way, you can have those available without necessarily letting Hastings know you’re making a trip to McDonald’s.

      [This was absolutely hilarious, Bill. You caught Poirot’s nuances beautifully! I can just see him gently and thoroughly cleaning his moustache after his McDonald’s meal…]

  7. Col

    Haha – A greta way to start the day!

  8. Marvellous! The idea of the old school Wallander on Tinder is fabulous! I think Harry Hole would have Spotify to listen to all those indie bands he loves so much.

    • Thanks for the kind words, Cathy 🙂 – so glad you enjoyed this. And I’ll bet you’re right about Harry Hole. Spotify is definitely an app for him. Wonder if his creator has it, too, since he’s a musician.

  9. Good stuff, Margot! You know, Poirot would have patented his own app. And I’m looking forward to your Dribble challenge. Brevity is the key there.

    • It is, indeed, Prashant. And I’m really hoping to get a lot of Dribble contributions. As to Poirot, you may very well be right. I could definitely see him patenting his own app. Perhaps it would be Moustache Care, or Poirot-certified excellent restaurants, or something. Thanks for the kind words.

  10. Hysterical anachronisms run amock! Well done!

  11. Kathy D.

    This is great. What especially stands out to me is that
    Nero Wolfe would say upon learning of the apps: “Flummery!”
    i can’t see any of the more senior detectives using an app.

  12. Simply brilliant – I particularly enjoyed Morse’s but they all made me chuckle or rather LOL!

  13. You have perfectly illustrated why I like (most of) these “older” series; the reader doesn’t have to deal with apps and such.

  14. I’m with Bill – Poirot would like Mcdonalds. Everything is very regular, all items would be the same size and shape wherever you went, the fries are all neatly packed into that container….

    • Come to think of it, Moira, that aspect of McDonald’s really probably would appeal to Poirot. It’s certainly a very regimented operation. The only problem is, the hamburger buns are not square… 😉

  15. Kathy D.

    Also, I think that while the Belgian detective would like McDonald’s regimented meals, he would be disappointed at the quality of food. Wouldn’t he prefer boeuf bourguignon, at a gourmet eatery, n’est pas?

  16. I was surprised to read that Hercule Poirot had an app on his phone. Somehow I associate Agatha Christie novels as being much older.What’s app with that?

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