Opening Day For Authors ;-)

Opening DayThe 2016 baseball season has begun, and for a lot of people, season openers signal the start of spring. Whether or not you like baseball, it’s a part of the culture of North America.

It all has me wondering what it would be like if authors and publishers got the ‘baseball game’ treatment. So if you’ll be kind enough to buy your disbelief a snack and a drink and ask it to check out the scorecard, let’s take a look at:

 

Opening Day For Authors

 

Announcer 1: Good afternoon, everyone. I’m Trey Toggins.

Announcer 2: And I’m Sandra Stabler.

Trey: It’s opening day here at Literary Park, and everyone’s excited for this matchup between Simon & Schuster and HarperCollins.

Sandra: They sure are, Trey. It’s going to be quite a game, too. I’m told everyone’s healthy and ready to go.

Trey: That’s good to hear, Sandra. Some really strong players being fielded today, too.

Sandra: Well, both Simon & Schuster and HarperCollins got some great trades at the end of last season, so they’ve both got deep benches.

Trey: Yes, they do. OK, get ready to enjoy a great game, everyone!

 

The camera pans the two teams and the crowd as the National Anthem is played.

 

Trey: Simon & Schuster is up first and they’re leading off with Will Waverly.

Sandra: Now that’s an interesting decision, Trey. This is only Waverly’s second year on the team, but he had a very strong debut science fiction release last year, and finished the season with some impressive numbers.

Trey: Well, let’s see if he can continue looking good. Oooh! Swing and a miss! Looks like he may need some work on that new plot of his.

Sandra:  Looks like it. But we’ll see what he does now.

Trey: And there it goes! Base hit to left field. He’s not going to get much out of it, but it got him to first, and he’s holding up there.

Sandra: Smart move on Waverly’s part. He’s got a solid plot for his new novel, but no sense stretching it too far.

Trey: You’re right, Sandra. Now, here comes Marla Mathews.

Sandra: She had a solid year last season, Trey. Her latest historical novel was well-received, and I’ve been told she’s signed to a new two-book contract.

Trey: She’s certainly looking good. Pitch is coming…it’s a line shot off the fence! She’s going to make it to second, and Waverly takes a chance and runs for third. Oh! They get him just before he gets there!

Sandra: And that’s something he’s having to work on, Trey. He’s going to have to pick up the pacing. A slow-moving middle just does not work in a story.

Trey: That’s right, Sandra. You have to keep the pace going. Now, with one out, Matthews at second, and nobody on first or third, it’s Brian Brillhouse coming up to the plate.

Sandra: Brillhouse is actually a very solid player as a rule, but he had a slump last season. His newest crime fiction release didn’t do well, and they’re looking at him very carefully now. If he can just focus, though, he should be OK.

Trey: That’s what it takes, Sandra. Let’s see what he’s going to do here. There’s Matthews ready to move, but it’s strike one on Brillhouse. Here comes the pitch…strike two! Brillhouse is looking a little rattled.

Sandra: He is going to need to settle down, Trey.

Trey: And here’s the pitch…it’s a fly ball to left field, where it’s easily caught. Matthews is moving, though…she tags up and takes third!  Simon & Schuster could end this half inning with some runs on the board. Here comes their cleanup hitter Kyle Kanning, one of the strongest thriller writers out there right now.

Sandra: Absolutely, Trey. He’s been at the top of the league for the last three seasons, and he told me before our broadcast that he’s feeling really good about this season, too. In fact, Simon & Schuster just renewed him for a record four books.

Trey: Impressive. Now, here’s the pitch. It’s being clocked at 92 miles an hour…Kanning hits it to deep right field….and it’s outta here!! Home run Matthews, and now Kanning’s going to make it home, too!  And just like that, Simon & Schuster puts two on the board!

Sandra: What a hit! But that’s the kind of strength Kanning brings to this team.

Trey: Yes, he does. Now, here’s Teresa Towne. She’s been one of their more reliable romance writers.

Sandra. That’s true, Trey. Her last three novels have done well. But she’s been talking about retiring after this season, and she had that wrist injury last year. So we’ll see how she does.

Trey: Here’s the pitch…and it’s caught at first base, to end the top of the first inning.
 

Both announcers face the camera

 

Trey: We’ll be back for the second half of the inning after this break.

Sandra: Don’t go anywhere!

33 Comments

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33 responses to “Opening Day For Authors ;-)

  1. LOL hilarious, I love it. What am imagination you have.

  2. I’m not a sportsfan, and baseball is always something of a mystery anyway to us Brits – but I could still enjoy this one. You hit it out of the park….

  3. Fab Margot, love it 😀

  4. Haha! Brilliant! And for the first time ever, I’m actually almost glad I read Grisham’s Calico Joe, since it turned me into more of an expert on the rules of baseball than I ever expected to be… 😉

    • 😆 See? You never know what you’ll learn in books, FictionFan, or when it’ll turn out useful… And thanks for the kind words. I’m really glad you liked this post.

  5. Brilliant Margot – you are on fire!!!

  6. Skilled application & appreciated minimalism, Margot. I think it is good work.

  7. You are an absolute genius Margot! Loved that!

  8. Excellent and love to see what you’d do with farm teams (small publishers) and pick-up games (self-published) with scouts looking on since they wouldn’t pull the networks!

  9. @janf06

    Wonderful! Greatly enjoyed this blog piece, thanks Margot

  10. Margot, I know baseball is no cricket, but I enjoyed reading your literary analogy of the sport — very well executed.

  11. Great post, Margot. A fun way to look at it.

  12. Trey: By the way Sandra have you heard that both teams are looking at signing Russell Quant and Joanne Kilbourn, a pair of free agent pitchers from Saskatchewan?

    Sandra: Where is S-S-S- atchuwin?

    Trey: Somewhere in Canada.

    Sandra: Okay but how good they can be? Isn’t it always winter up there?

    Trey: I don’t know the weather Sandra but they are in demand. Quant is an engaging left handed power pitcher topping out in the high 90’s. Kilbourn is more a finesse thrower but she reads bats better than most pitchers and has this uncanny talent to see what’s in a hitter’s mind.

    Sandra: Well, you know Trey no one ever has too much pitching.

    Trey: I did know that Sandra.

    Sandra: Do they come as a couple?

    Trey: No Sandra. The team that signs Quant would have signed the first openly gay major leaguer.

    Sandra: Too bad he doesn’t play left field. He would be out in the outfield.

    Trey: I think it is time to turn our eyes and minds back to the old ballgame.

    (Margot: Enjoyed the post. I was away to Saskatoon yesterday afternoon and evening and have been busy at the office today. As a life long ballplayer I had to make a comment.)

    • Well, now this is really an important development! Having both Kilbourn and Quant join the team would add rich depth to it, that’s for sure! And as you say, there’s always a place for good pitching. A high-90’s pitch is going to really help the team, especially now, when the pitching roster needs that boost. And anyone who can read bats as well as Kilbourn does is going to make a real difference. I hope the front office can work something out with their agents!

      (This was fabulous, Bill! Just brilliant! And I’m so glad you enjoyed the post, and that you commented).

  13. I’m a baseball fan, Margot, and so so I particularly enjoyed this spoof on the literary field. Very creative!

  14. Sports announcers are so much fun. I used to watch ice skating a lot and and they sounded just like this.

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